Iceman Xan
by mercva
Summary: Xander's parents are the same as per usual, but their heritage is... well, a bit unusual. Slight YYH cross, no knowledge needed.


Summary: Same parents, different heritage.

Crossover: Take a guess. Go on.

Disclaimer: I don't own what other people do.

Feedback: (I don't write this part -- you do! Think of it as the audience participation aspect.)

Pre-fic Comments:

The more I re-watch Season 2, the less and less I like Willow. While Buffy might push Xander away in later seasons with crap about biscuits, Willow really is trying to live vicariously though Buffy in Season 2.

Got a bottle of 72abv absinthe today. Having tried it (diluted, of course -- to see if it does go cloudy, plus I never drink anything stronger than 40 straight if I can avoid it), it tastes like a remarkably bitter kind of black sambuca. If you like spirits, you like bitter (very bitter) things, and you like liquorice flavours, you should like it. Another one for my private collection, I think.

Heh. It comes with a stern warning on the bottle itself: "Handle with extreme caution. Keep cool and away from heat and flame and below 18degC. Danger: Do NOT drink neat, but add water/mixer to taste! It is dangerous to drink to excess."

* * *

Jessica stared at the sixpack of beer in the fridge.

Life was hard. She was only half Koorime, was not even a yuki-onna, and still greedy men and demons came after her for priceless hiruseki pearls, tears of ice, which was why she was hiding herself amongst the mystical energies of the Hellmouth. Her aura was hidden by the overwhelming backwash from the demonic portal.

Life was still sweet though, amidst the pain. Her son was the light of her life. He hadn't shown any signs of inheriting her mother's bloodline, but she didn't expect him to -- he was only a quarter Koorime, and was male. While snow-women were known in their homeland of Japan/real/ snow-men had, to her knowledge, never been heard of.

"Hurry up with that beer," a rough voice called out.

She rolled her eyes. "Coming!"

Suddenly, the warming can of beer she held in her hand was verging on zero degrees. While she was mostly powerless, that didn't mean she was totally bereft.

* * *

Xander crouched behind the pool table, where the goodies for Buffy's 17th birthday were set up. Willow had a funny looking hat on -- everyone else had managed to avoid hattage, and avoided hurting Willow's feelings at the same time.

"Where is she," Angel asked, from where he was hiding behind a pillar.

"Shhh," everyone else hissed at him.

"I think I hear her coming," Willow added.

With a crash, two forms fell through a window onto the Bronze's stage. One was short and blonde, while the other was butt ugly and had the typical ridges and eyes indicating demonic possession. Everyone stood up, watching, as Buffy staked the vampire with a drumstick.

"Surprise," Cordelia yelled, leaping up with arms outstretched. Hey, she'd been working on chips and dip for half an hour, no way she was letting all of that work go to waste.

"That pretty much sums it all up," Oz said dryly. Willow had taken the (to her) daring move of inviting the strange senior.

Xander shook his head disparagingly at Cordelia. Humour had a certain timing, and panache. While Cordelia had panache, her timing had a lot to be desired. He decided on understatement, for the time being. "Tch."

Buffy moved down from the stage, appearing surprised and completely confused. Angel walked over to her, concerned.

"Buffy, are you okay," the bicentennian asked.

"Yes," Giles agreed, wanting to know, "W-what happened?"

"Uh, there were these vamps outs," Buffy trailed off, pointing behind her as she looked around, still none the wiser. "W-what's going on?"

"Oh, um... A surprise party," Giles explained, blowing on his party favour to add colour to the explanation.

"Happy Birthday," Cordelia said dryly.

"You guys did all this for me," Buffy asked Angel. "That is so sweet."

Xander frowned, inwardly. The most Angel had done for the whole affair was turn up -- everyone else did the actual set up work.

"You sure you're okay," Angel asked.

"Yes, I'm fine," Buffy replied.

"Are you okay," Willow asked Oz, borrowing a romantic tip from Angel. She was still new at the romance thing, and wanted to be as suave as Angel. But in a feminine way.

"Yeah. Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust," Oz asked, not appearing particularly unsettled.

"Uh, well, uh... sort of," Willow prevaricated.

"Yep. Vampires are real. A lot of them live in Sunnydale," Xander said, pointing between Willow and Oz. He was getting just about 'had it' with the whole affair. "Willow will fill you in."

"I know it's hard to accept at first," Willow began, taking a counselling route.

"Actually, it explains a lot," Oz said thoughtfully.

Jenny Calendar entered the Bronze, carrying a long, large wooden box. "Hey, can somebody give me a hand here?"

"Oooo, is this present for me," Xander asked, a spark of humour emerging as Giles and Angel set the box on the table.

"Those creeps left this behind," Jenny said, meaning the vampires.

"What is it," Buffy asked.

"One way to find out," Xander said. "If it's money or anything remotely valuable, dibs!"

With that, he flipped open the latch on the box, revealing a blackened arm clad in leather and metal armour.

With no ceremony, the arm leapt up like it belonged to the Addams Family, and began choking the heck out of him. As Xander's hands reached up to try and pry the unnaturally strong hand loose, he absently noted the fact that it felt leathery, almost scaly. Funny what you noticed, he thought, as the world began to go blurry, then blacked out.

* * *

Xander woke up on a ratty old sofa in Giles' office. His throat still stung as he noticed Willow sitting by him, appearing to read. Her body language gave her away, though, as she shifted her weight nervously.

"Wh-what's going on," he rasped, voice rough with abuse.

"Xander! You're alright," Willow beamed. "Here's a glass of water -- Giles kinda said you'd want one."

"Sure," he said, sipping at the glass. "What the heck was that!"

"Well, it's kinda a part of a bad thing," Willow prevaricated.

"Meaning," Xander asked, giving her /that/ look.

"We kinda think Drusilla's going to put together this really bad Judge man, and you just got... attacked by the Judge's arm," Willow said, looking panicky.

"Hey, I'm fine," Xander said soothingly. "I guess they ain't nuthin' doin' without it, though?"

"Sure," Willow said, brightening up. "I mean, they sure ain't. Bringing the Judge back, I mean, because Angel's taking the arm to Nepal, somewhere far, far away."

"That's two bright spots for the price of one," Xander said, his mood also improving. "No more Angel, and no more Judge! Ow! Hey!"

"And there's more where that came from, mister," Willow said, shaking a disapproving finger at him with the hand she hadn't tapped him sharply with.

"What was this Judge supposed to do," Xander asked.

"Um, burn the humanity out of people," Willow frowned. "You got off really lightly, Xander!"

"Lightly," Xander asked. "I got choked!"

"Ummmm, you might want to be sitting for this," Willow said, digging through her bag for a mirror.

"I am sitting," Xander pointed out.

"Good," Willow said, as she held her mirror up to his face.

Xander's hands shot up to his hair, which was a very pale blue, almost white. His eyebrows and eyelashes had also been similarly whitened as well. "The hell? I'm going to throttle that bastard!"

The familiar sound of the Library doors opening rang throughout the small complex in all their squeaky glory, and he heard what could only be Giles standing up.

'What happened," the familiar tones of the Englishman asked.

"Dru's guys ambushed us," Buffy's voice replied. "They got the box."

"Where's Jenny," Giles asked.

"Uh, she took Angel to get clothing," Buffy said. "I, I had some here."

"And we needed clothes because," Giles asked carefully, knowing it was possible that the answer...

"We got wet," Buffy snapped. Giles breathed a sigh of relief. "Giles, what do we know?"

"The more I study the Judge, the less I like him," Giles said succinctly. "His touch can literally burn the humanity out of you. A true creature of evil can survive the process. No human ever has, with the exception of Xander."

"So, how do we slice 'im," Buffy asked.

"I, I, I have no idea. All the books say 'no weapon forged can kill him', but..."

"Research time," Willow said gleefully from the office door. Time for her computer and referencing skills to come to the fore. Her head turned behind her. "Xander, you wanna go home?"

"Yes," Giles agreed, "it might be best if you went home to recuperate from this undoubtedly traumatic experience -- we don't know if your condition is stable, after all..."

"Nah, I'm cool," Xander said. "I'm not leaving until we find out how to toast this guy. I look like a reject from the eighties! Might I add, though, that the AC is turned up /way/ too high? I mean, I know this is the /hell/mouth, but still."

"It isn't all that hot, Xander," Giles said, rolling his eyes. "Compared to a decent climate, yes it is bloody hot, but for this hellhole it is decidedly mild. Now, we have decidedly more pertinent problems than thermostats to attend to."

"Meep," Xander stated. "I'll be quiet and behave."

* * *

Giles sighed as he turned the corner to find Xander asleep, head resting on his arms on the table, thankfully not on a book. He couldn't fault the boy, though -- it was getting rather late, and he had had a traumatic experience earlier. He rubbed his arms to warm them up in the chill of the darkened room.

"Xander," he asked. "Xander, are you alright? Do you want me to take you home?"

"Wha," Xander asked. "No! I mean, nah, I'm fine thanks."

"Have you found anything," Giles asked, pushing his glasses back up his nose.

"Nothing new," Xander yawned. "No weapons forged, blah blah blah, free set of steak knives."

"I see," Giles said, deciding to ignore the knives part.

"Why can't we chop him up," Xander asked. "I mean, he's gonna find it hard to do any burning if he's missing an arm or his head. You never saw anyone take over the world minus a head."

"Given the... liveliness of the limb we had here, I can only conjecture he is able to reassemble himself," Giles said.

"What if we blew him apart, then," Buffy said, as her and Willow stumbled upon the two.

"Y-yeah! We could drop his head into the Marianas Trench, and the torso into Vesuvius, and the legs into," Willow began, gathering steam.

"We get the idea, Wills," Xander said, looking a little green at that. "Explosives and school, a perfect combination."

"All we need is a way of procuring said ordinance," Giles said thoughtfully. "The Council could undoubtedly provide us with some, but it would take far too long to send from Britain."

"I think I'm getting an idea... nope," Xander frowned. "Damn this hair! It's too distinctive!"

"What about nitrogen," Willow asked hesitantly.

"Nitrogen? What would we do with gas," Giles asked, confused.

"No, I mean like liquid nitrogen," Willow said, gaining enthusiasm for the idea.

"We could make a Judge-sical and put him on ice," Xander grinned.

Everyone else groaned.

* * *

Xander tapped the frozen figure with a huge leaf from one of the mall's decorative plants. "Strawberry or apple?"

"Blueberry," Buffy decided.

"I still can't believe you just walked up to him and upended the container on him," Giles muttered.

"I'm just talented that way," Xander said modestly.

"Flamin' daft, more like," Giles muttered under his breath. He pulled out a sword. "Now that the Judge is indisposed, might I suggest we cut him apart?"

"Ooo, can I," Xander asked childishly.

"Go for it," Buffy smiled. It wasn't as if the Judge could hit back.

Xander lifted the sword high, then brought it down with a cry. "This is for the hair, you eighties asshole!"

With the blow, the frozen Judge shattered into millions of little pieces.

"Now, to collect the pieces," Giles decided. "Do keep them separate, people."

"We collect the /pieces," Cordelia asked. "Our job blows!"

* * *

A month later, Xander found himself with something of a problem. "Buff? Wills? Have you two grown taller?"

"Not that I know of," Willow said, turning to find herself eye level with Xander. "Omigod! I must have grown!"

Xander rolled his eyes. "Oz might be a nice guy, but I prefer being able to look over people's heads."

Buffy patted him on the shoulder. "Your time will come."

"I guess," he said, as they rolled into the Library. "So, G-man, what's the Apocalyse Du Jour today!"

"Apart from the usual vampiric, or vampire in our case, not a lot," Giles said. "Mister Oz is recovering from his furry ordeal well enough."

Xander grinned. "No news is good news!"

Giles blinked, then took off his glasses to clean them. "Xander, have you gotten shorter?"

"Noooo," Xander said slowly, eyes widening. "I don't think so. I just thought everyone was getting taller."

"Most unusual," Giles said, having found something to do. "It is exceedingly weird for a person to grow shorter, and given that, your hair, and your new affinity for the cold..."

"All of what means what," Willow asked. "Xander isn't in any more trouble, is he?"

She realised what she had said. "Um, I mean any trouble!"

"I don't know," Giles said, disappearing into the stacks. "I think I'll have to research this... yes, research is called for."

"Well, ain't nothing more useful outta him for a few hours," Xander said.

Buffy hissed 'Yes!' and pumped her fist up and down as she pulled the other two out of the Library, before Giles remembered weapons practice.

* * *

"I seem to have ascertained what, exactly, has happened," Giles said, opening a book in front of him to a bookmarked page.

"Don't keep us all in suspense -- what happened," Buffy asked. Willow and Xander just plain looked worried.

"Well, Japan traditionally has ice demons, or 'Snow Women' as the Japanese name translates," Giles began. "Xander's symptoms closely resemble this breed of demon, save for the fact that he is male."

"Male," Buffy asked, confused. "So?"

"They aren't some kind of Amazonian society thing, are they," Willow asked. "And does that mean that Xander is evil?"

Giles shook his head. "No to both answers. Usually, a male child born to a snow women is fully human, while a female child is, usually, a snow women."

"So how do they get more snow people if there aren't any guys for them to have fun with," Xander asked.

"Erm, male travellers...," Giles trailed off, blushing slightly. "Yes, well. Anyway, my only conclusion is that Xander's ancestors, at some stage, were these Japanese demons, these Koorime."

"So... this is that Judge thing," Xander asked.

"Wow, he really did burn the humanity out of you," Willow said, looking at her friend and appearing highly impressed.

"Control yourself, Xander," Giles admonished him.

Xander looked around him at the cold mist that had grown, and the faint shimmer of ice on the table.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly.


End file.
